Amsterdam Nights

So I've just returned from a lovely evening ready to write all about it for you, but now I'm here and the latest bit of news has sent my night heading south. And I really don't know why it should. But it has. And now I'm here again. In Amsterdam. In my room. On my computer. And that's all that it is. I was reminded earlier of what it was to live. To sit next to the canals at dusk and watch the colors blossom in the sky and slowly recede until the lights on the bridges over the water are lit. And have a beer; Westmalle Tripel, the quintessential component, at least for me, for relaxing in the warm pre-summer heat. The aroma will forever conjure images of Holland and Amsterdam. We sat on a patio with three fake crows (to deter other birds) and a long string of lightbulbs and felt the air that was neither hot nor cold. It felt like summer. And I found myself in another prolonged evening, the kind that I love so much with all my heart, and I felt alive for the first time in 2 days. The previous 2 days were spent under the weather (literally). Didn't even set foot outside yesterday. And today more of the same. Didn't shower until 5 pm on both days. How do you say "bum" in dutch? Yeah pretty much. But I was outside this evening buying groceries at Albert Heijn when Daiva asked if I'd like to go for a drink. So I agreed, quickly made dinner and was on my bike headed into the center of the city at 7:45. The ride was so nice. At that time of the night the sun is just beginning to go down and late golden hued rays still grace the tops of trees and sides of buildings. The kind of evenings I live for. And by 8 pm I was in the city. Making my way down Herengracht through the warm wind and fading light of day with hopes of being able to enjoy the last of the days warmth. And I succeeded. On the patio with Daiva in a bar near Muntplein in close proximity to Rembrandtplein. Such a nice evening. Such a drastic change from the last two days. And the bike ride home was equally enjoyable. I chose the scenic route. First returning down Herengracht, then proceeding south to Keizergracht riding along the canals all the while. The facades and other cyclists always present. And once outside the city, as I will always describe; the people falling away, heading along their own normal routes to wherever they call home, until I am the only one. Down passed the hospital, by the geese, to the roundabout and the corner of Sloterpark, down to the treenlined boulevard that leads me to my apartment. And now here I am. The faint sounds of the city outside. A passing tram, passing cars, mopeds, and the occasional long echoing outburst from someone too drunk to know the sound of their own voice. This is my room. My home for now. And I'm here again. To more lame news. You see I've been feeling stagnant the last few days. And I've been stagnant. Feeling bored and like there is nothing to do. I want to look for work elsewhere in Europe but my progress once again has been thwarted. This time due to paypal. Nevertheless it is always the battle against balance and imbalance. Living in the moment or living in the past. Really living or conceding to your own self-pity. That is the battle we all fight; some just know how to fight it better than others....